Monsters don’t wear masks in real life. They smile. They charm. And they wait.
Abusers rarely look dangerous at first glance. In fact, many are experts at blending in, earning your trust, and slowly tightening their grip until you can barely breathe — figuratively or literally.
Here’s how to recognize the warning signs before you get pulled into something you can’t easily escape.

1. They Move Too Fast

If someone is rushing you into exclusivity, talking about moving in together, or declaring deep love after only a few weeks — that’s not romance. That’s control disguised as passion.
Love bombing is one of the most common tactics of abusers. And it works. Many women crave to feel seen and wanted and they often overlook a behaviour that should trigger all the internal alarms they have. And even if they do, they still ignore them. How many of you thought “He’s a good guy, I should stop overthinking”? You’re not overthinking. If it doesn’t feel right, then it probably isn’t.

2. They Test Your Boundaries Early

Pay attention to small acts of disrespect:

Ignoring your “no”;

Pressuring you into things you’re not ready for;

Making “jokes” that cross the line.
These aren’t accidents — they’re tests to see what you’ll tolerate. Once he’s crossed your boundaries, things will never go back to how they used to be and he will always push them further. All the abused women I had encountered during my career always said “maybe this time he will learn his lesson and will stop hurting me”. They never do. Never!


3. They Demand Constant Access

Needing to know where you are, who you’re with, and what you’re doing 24/7 is not love — it’s surveillance.
If they become irritated when you don’t answer immediately, take it as a red flag. Also, asking for access and passwords on your accounts and controlling them. You are not a child that needs constant supervision. A relationship should be based on mutual respect and trust. If he can’t trust you, let him go. Things won’t change further down the road.

4. They Try to Isolate You

Subtle digs at your friends or family.
Discouraging you from going out alone.
“Why do you need them when you have me?”
Isolation is how they remove your safety net. I cannot stress enough how important your friends and family are to support you especially if you are in an abusive relationship. I know many of you bear the stigma of shame. Tell your family, ask for help. It can make the difference between life and death.


5. They Twist Reality

If they constantly downplay your feelings, deny things you know happened, or make you question your own memory — that’s gaslighting, and it’s designed to break your confidence. “You’re crazy; you’re just imagining things”. No you’re not, walk away.

6. They Show Inconsistent Anger

Explosive reactions to small problems, road rage, or cruelty to animals are often precursors to interpersonal violence. Believe what you see, not what they promise. Again, don’t make the mistake to think that they won’t do it to you, they will eventually. And if their outbursts scare you early on, walk away. A full on violent rage episode targeting you is terrifying and life threatening.


7. Do Your Own Research

You don’t need to be an investigator to run basic checks:

Search their name online with keywords like “arrest” or “abuse”;

Look for public social media activity that contradicts what they’ve told you.

If something feels “off,” trust that instinct. As a woman, your instinct is your greatest weapon. Use it and learn to trust it. Your subconscious mind has the ability to process large amounts of data that you may not be consciously aware of but that will render a certain “feeling”. Trust it and run with it.

What to Do if You Spot the Signs

Set boundaries immediately, and be ready to walk away;

Tell someone you trust what you’ve noticed;
If you feel unsafe, contact local support services or authorities.

Remember: leaving early is easier than escaping later.
You are not being paranoid. You are being safe.
And safety is not something you owe anyone an explanation for.
Love should make you feel safe, not scared. Anything less is not love — it’s a warning.